Sure Signs Your Childhood Trauma Is Entering Your Parenting Space
Childhood trauma can impact our entire lives and can arise for any number of reasons. Actual abuse is the most obvious of these, but insecure attachments, or childhood pressures, can also lead to suppressed trauma. That trauma can emerge at any time in our adult lives, and will often make itself known when we become parents ourselves.
After all, your parenting journey is probably the biggest challenge you’ve faced in your adult life. Not only will it lead to confronting your own problematic childhood experiences, but it will also leave you overstimulated, and possibly unable to turn to coping mechanisms you may have relied on during your pre-child life.
Unfortunately, unhealed trauma can quickly turn you into the parent you never wanted to be, and may even see you reenacting the behaviors you grew up seeing as normal. This can have a significant impact on the well-being of your entire family, but it’s not a situation you need to stay stuck in.
In this article, we'll consider the key signs that trauma, and the mental health struggles it brings, are impacting your parenting abilities, and how you can begin to heal that trauma to enjoy a happier family life moving forward.
Recognizing the Signs of Trauma in Your Parenting Journey
Sometimes, you’ll be aware of a past trauma that’s proven problematic throughout your life. At other times, you may not know about a trauma until you face a specific trigger which, in this case, could be parenting children yourself.
This sudden emergence of hidden trauma can be particularly problematic, as you won’t yet have any coping mechanisms in place. But, whether your trauma has newly revealed itself or not, sure signs that it’s impacting your parenting include –
# 1 - Reenacting Your Parent’s Methods
Trauma, especially in childhood, can have an inevitable impact on your ability to implement healthy parenting techniques. You may inadvertently slip into the behaviors you saw from your parents, such as perfectionism, or detachment. These traumatic manifestations can then lead to difficulties in your relationship with your children, such as resentment or a lack of emotional bonding.
# 2 - Finding Situations With Your Children Triggering
Unaddressed trauma can also result in you finding certain situations with your children triggering. For instance, you may find it incredibly difficult to put your kids to bed, or may struggle to prioritize outings with your kids for fear of the emotions that might arise during those experiences. The need to avoid those triggers can significantly limit your ability to create healthy routines and memorable experiences for your family. It may also leave your children feeling confused, abandoned, or let down in much the same ways you did as a child.
# 3 - Struggling to Control Your Emotions
Your trauma may also result in unpredictable parenting emotions, which could include quickly losing your temper, or becoming easily upset in front of your children. As well as being confusing for children who rely on consistency, these uncontrollable emotions make it more likely that your children will struggle with their own feelings growing up.
The Best Ways to Begin Healing Trauma
While it may be tempting to bury your trauma for the sake of your kids, this is never a wise idea, as those feelings will inevitably emerge at a later point. Instead, it’s vital to heal any trauma as soon as you notice it beginning to affect your approach to parenting in any way. This is key to being the best parent possible and may include techniques such as –
# 1 - Seeking Professional Help
Seeking professional help for past trauma is never easy, but it is a necessary step for moving forward. Therapy can be especially useful, and there are a few different options to help you move forward depending on what you’re dealing with. Perhaps the most obvious of these is psychodynamic therapy, which is a talking therapy that centers around focuses like childhood and dream analysis. Alternatively, you may benefit from options like somatic therapy, which implements a holistic approach to the physical and emotional impact of trauma in your life. In either instance, regular sessions will provide vital coping techniques that mean that when you’re with your family, you’re in a far better position to remain present and develop healthy parenting techniques.
# 2 - Find Coping Mechanisms
That leads us to the next crucial thing you can do to prevent trauma’s impact on your family – developing key coping mechanisms. Ideally, these should come straight out of a therapist’s office, as you can then ensure techniques that are tailored to your situation. However, even if you develop techniques yourself, these will be key to overcoming issues like uncontrollable emotions. Most commonly trauma-based coping mechanisms might include relaxing breathing exercises, ensuring you get plenty of sleep, or even remaining mindful of how you react in certain situations. Engaging in things like meditation and yoga during your free time can also allow you to both address and calm those traumatic feelings in advance of big days with the family.
# 3 - Don’t be Afraid to Walk Away
The more you understand your trauma, the better you’ll get at recognizing the warning signs that you need a moment to yourself. This is something that all parents could benefit from doing, but it’s especially vital in your case, as taking time out could be the difference between letting trauma impact your family relationships or putting those coping mechanisms to active use. Warning signs to look out for will vary for everyone, and may include certain environmental triggers, or may be more physical, such as an anxious tightening in your chest. Listen to your body and thoughts in these moments, and be honest with your children if you need to take some time out. That way, you can ensure that traumatic feelings never harm your children.
Conclusion
Past trauma can take a significant toll on every area of your life, especially your parenting. Protect yourself and your family by getting on top using these tip
